Shoulding on yourself........

This time of year especially it seems that life is full of shoulds.

I should find the perfect presents.
I should bake six kinds of cookies.
I should decorate the house.
I should spend time with family.
I should go to the annual Christmas party.
I should write a Christmas newsletter.
I should___________________.

And just who decided you should do all these things?
Whose voice in your head is it that you are hearing?
And do you really need to pay attention to it?

Maybe some of those shoulds are left over from a different time in your life.
A time when you had different priorities and obligations.
Perhaps they never were things you really enjoyed doing 

but always did to please others or 

to maintain an image or idea of who you thought you needed to be.

Have these activities become the Clutter of Christmas?
Things you no longer need, use, value or love?
Activities that get in the way of you doing what you really love with the people you truly care most about?

There is certainly nothing wrong with presents or cookie baking, decorating your home, or spending time with family.
Unless, of course, you don’t really want to,
or it no longer reflects the life you want to be living.

What’s true is: There is only so much time.
How do you want to spend it?
What choices can you make that support your most heartfelt life?

Your life.
Your choices.
Make them meaningful to you.

Presence! Presents! Presence!

Presence and presents, both are gifts.

Which one will you give more of this Season?

It is true that we can delight and charm recipients
with thoughtful and clever gifts.

But how much more meaningful might it be to offer them your presence?
Your attention?
Your acceptance?
Your empathy for their stressful day?
Your compassion for their challenging situation?
Your listening ear and heart?

Relationships are built over time and shared experiences.
Memories are made when we spend time together laughing,
talking, sharing events, activities, companionable silence and creating our stories of connection.

Give the present of your presence to family, friends, coworkers, even the clerk at the store, 

the barista making your coffee,
and the child asking you the annoying question.

Your presence is the Light of the Season.

Doing not having.

This Holiday season try giving more experiences and less stuff.
Consider gifts that involve spending time together 

and making memories.
Gift giving is about acknowledging our connections to others and a way to thank them for what they mean to us in our lives.

Try to make sure that what you give doesn’t end up as
clutter in someone else’s home and life.
You may think they need another pig for their collection,
or you found the cutest sweater,
or a book you think they’d love.

Chances are, they wish they’d never started collecting pigs,
you aren’t as hip to their fashion sense as you might think,
and they already have enough books they haven’t had time to read.

Pause before you hit the Buy it Now button,
procede to check out, or whip out your credit card-
consider if there might be a way for you to give
the gift of your presence
as the present.

Most of us have plenty of things in our lives:
All of us want deeper connections.

Give gifts that create connections
and make memories.

ps.  If you find yourself giving  to someone out of guilt or obligation,
habit or perceived  pressure, take a deep breath.
Give yourself permission to say no.
(You may be surprised at the relief everyone involved feels) 

Not just Thursday.

Thursday is the traditional day that we take a moment and give thanks.
Blogs, Tweets, emails, media stories, and even conversations this past week are filled
with reminders to be grateful and act from gratitude.

Here's a radical thought.
Be grateful everyday.

Act thankful for your job,
your relationships,
your home,
your friends,
your family of origin and
your family of choice.

Recognizing the abundance that is 

already present in your life can keep you from
over buying,
over spending,
over compensating.

Say Thank You.
(Mean it)

Decluttering, simplified.

Figure out what's important.
Let go of everything else.

Enough is enough.

Anything more than enough is clutter.

I couldn't possibly tell you how many pairs of jeans is enough for you.
Or how many pairs of scissors you need to have.
Or  how many bags of pasta you need in your pantry.

Everyone has different reasons and justification 

for why they purchase things,
why they hold on to items,
or what has sentimental value.

Chances are, if your home or life feels cluttered;
you have more than enough.
That realization is where change begins.

Contrary to the messages we hear: More isn't better.
More is just that.
More.
More money spent.
More to keep track of.
More to store.
More to maintain.

Look around your house,
think about your life.
Decide how much is really enough.

Live your life and make your choices from that place.

You won't miss them.

Look around.
What could you grab right now and recycle, donate or toss that you wouldn't even miss?

One ugly item from your closet?
Two of the six wooden spoons in the kitchen crock?
The three month old magazine still in its shrink wrap?
Four dvds that you didn't like the first time you watched them?
Five of the mugs crowding the shelf?
Six of the short, erase-less pencils crammed in the cup on the desk?
Seven of the pens in there with them?
Eight.....

You get the idea.

People think that they have to devote hours to decluttering
in order to make a difference in their situation.
Ha!  Not true.

There are lots of quick "little bites" you can take that
will have an impact.

And get you thinking about How Many is Enough?

Having less clutter is an ongoing process.

Learning to look at what you have and why,
and making choices every day about what is important,
what you want to keep and what you're willing to let go of.

If what you want really is a simpler life-
what choices can you make right now
to support that vision?